he’s in the walkways of all the malls, inside the stores inside all the malls, and at office Christmas parties, on postcards, lawn displays, billboards, digital ads, Youtube videos and rent-a Santa’s. Let that sink in a minute. You. Can. Fucking. Rent. One. You can’t get away from him unless you plan to spend the rest of the Christmas season in an ironclad, shrink-wrapped and airtight deprivation chamber submerged in 100 feet of water off the coast of nowhere in particular. If you’re above ground and breathing you will have to deal with Santa Claus, and he most certainly will deal with you.